冰冷的太陽

I am staying in anguish since I have suffering from my classes. That paper for philosophy class is done. I had corrected that paper for three times. I am not sure whether it can pass or not. Also, I have a quiz for art class next week. There are a lot of things which I misunderstand. Although the professor said that most of the questions are multiple questions, I still am anxious. When I reflect those things which the professor discussed in the class, my brain is vacant. On Tuesday, I didn’t know what the professor taught in the class because I hadn’t read the book. The only memory for that class is only a phrase “Good willing”. It is so ironic. Worse, yesterday I talked with a girl in Min Zhao’s class. She told me that what Min Zhao had said to her. I felt dejected and alone. I found that I am abandoned by many people, no matter in china or in America. No one cares me, no one loves me. It is just like the context in philosophy “I am nothing.” Anyway, I told myself: “whatever I am suffering, no one cares me, no one talks with me, and no one loves me. It is not a big deal. At least, I must care myself, I must love myself. And then I don’t need to waste time talking on MSN and QQ. I can put my heart into reading the books.” Min Zhao asked me how I study in college, and why I still asked for her suggestion to deal with that paper. I really need to reflect myself. I am not a high school student, and I should have my opinion and make a decision for myself. I should not always ask Min Zhao because she is also hectic, and our fate of teacher and student was ended since I was graduated in 2006. It is better to miss her than to see her. In the leisure time, I can recollect my mind when I got along with her. If I continue to keep touch with her, or see her, it might destroy those sweet impressions. It seems that my heart is broken and a little painful. Here, I will not use msn and QQ, except sometimes talking with aunt and grandmother.